4月13日托福独立写作题目

　　“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

　　Today, children spend too much time on technological products. In fact, playing with simpler toys or playing outside with friends is better for children’s development.

　　写作范文

　　Introduction

　　[第一句话，要一下子就切进主题，不要套大话] Today, children find fun from playing technological products, such as smartphones and computers. [内容顺延，上一句说孩子玩儿什么，接下来就对应说孩子不玩儿什么，正好把题目给出的信息交代完整] They also show no interest in simpler toys or in playing outdoors with their peers. [然后，表明自己的观点 / 立场] As a matter fact, these uninteresting toys or activities develop their intellect, mentality and sociability.

　　Body

　　我们首先看一段【学生习作】Children can learn a lot about interacting with others during their outdoor play. By playing outside, they will make new friends, share their ideas, and do something they cannot do when facing technological products. What's more, these activities can not only improve their sociability, but also build their characters, foster good qualities. Take my younger sister as an example. When she is playing outside with children at her age, we are always surprised to find that she becomes generous and openhanded. However, when she is staying at home, playing computer games. she shows aggressiveness and selfishness. 我们的评价是：[内容还不错，信息的流畅度acceptable：信息组织和逻辑安排不错，措辞粗糙。] 就着这位学生的思路，我们整理一下内容和措辞 → Children can learn a lot during outdoor activities. Playing outdoors, [动词分词前置，作“条件 / 方式”状语] they usually do not play alone and instead interact with people of their age. The interaction is favorable to their mental and social development, fostering their social skills and consciousness of others [动词分词前置，作“伴随”状语]. When they play technological products, they are less likely to have the chance to develop these qualities. Take my younger sister as an example. She is found to be less selfish when she plays outdoors with other children in the neighborhood than when she plays electronic games alone on the computer. Unlike [引导状语，做比较] her in the setting of games, [然后可选择对状语里的名词作修饰] where she shows a lot of excessive competitiveness, she is generous and willing to share the recreational facilities with other children. [措辞不需要“很高级”，比“粗糙”好一些就很不错]

　　Also, [行文脉络的设计技巧，先让步] those who would challenge my position may argue that [总是需要有点“套话”才心安，是吧] technological products promote children’s intellectual development. This is because they think that children’s mind is highly active when children appear to be calculating and solving mysteries. Those “difficult” games create a delusion [这里故意把反方对于科技游戏的误解说成“幻想”，是一种措辞] that children work out the difficulties on their own. [让到这里，够了，赶紧转着反驳] As a matter of fact, those games cannot do the magic. Children just follow the developers’ plots [“(故事)情节”] and take the pre-set steps rather than think their own thoughts [习语：“有自己的想法”].

　　[接下来讲自己的立场的道理] Instead, the simple forms of those toys develop children’s imagination and creativity. Children may be able to create something big with simple toys–bigger thinking beyond the simplicity of the toys [这个“同位语”是内容哈上的关键之一], because the “blanks” [这里用“空白”这样的措辞，去描述“简单玩具”的特点是给孩子的想象力和创造力留了空间] are left for children to fill with their ideas [这个原因是这个段落立论部分的关键信息]. For example, LEGO may be the least complex toy that does not seem to have any intricacy [“错综复杂(这种情况)”] at all. However, it is the rudimentary [“基础的”] form, in which the toy gives space for children’s talents [这里对应前面的“blanks”，直接写成了直白的表达：“给孩子的才智留了空间], that sparks off [“激发才智”] children. When the simple pieces are put together into a toy car or any structure, children may not be simply assembling a vehicle or a building but may be making a tremendous invention behind which is their sparkle [“才智”].

　　Conclusion

　　in conclusion, the time today’s children spend on technological products is in excess of [be in excess of的短语：“超过xxx”] the reasonable amount. Hopefully, children would play with simpler toys or play outside with their peers, as the key benefits are stated above.